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| "Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Illustration by John Tenniel, Alice in Wonderland) |
FORCE AS AFFECTED BY ORDER
To secure force in a sentence, it is necessary not only to choose the strongest words and to be as concise as is consistent with clearness, but also to arrange words, phrases, and clauses in an order that gives a commanding position to what is most important.
Beginnings and Endings
In most sentences, the commanding position is either at the beginning or at the end. Unimportant words or phrases are, as a rule, put in the middle of a sentence, unless they serve to prepare the way for the more important.
A: This monster of large frame and bulk, fierce expression, and harsh voice, we almost see before us.
B: We seem almost to see before us this monster of large frame and bulk, fierce expression and harsh voice.
A: In art, the end does not justify the means.
B: The end does not justify the means in art.
From the point of view of force, the best place for "this monster" and "in art" — the most important words in these sentences — is at the beginning.
A: Darcy's silence on that subject came, no doubt, from his pride.
B: No doubt, Darcy's silence upon that subject came from his pride.
A: Up to the present time, as I have said before, no harm has been done.
B: As I have said before, up to the present, no harm has been done.
A: Seen from above, a lighted city would, I imagine, hardly seem a city.
B: I imagine that a lighted city, seen from above, would hardly seem a city.
A parenthetical expression that is of distinctly secondary importance —like "no doubt," "as I have said before," "I imagine" — should be placed where it will be least prominent.
A: In the growing darkness, it is almost impossible to distinguish land from water.
B: It is almost impossible in the growing darkness to distinguish land from water.
Placed at the beginning of the sentence, "In the growing darkness" prepares the mind for the familiar effect of darkness.
A: Last night, after I had gone to bed, a friend rushed into my room with the startling information that a line of would-be ticket-buyers had formed.
B: A friend came rushing to my room last night after I had retired, with the startling information that a line of would-be ticket-buyers had formed.
A: With an indignant air, he turned towards her his handsome face, splashed with water and crimsoned by his embarrassment.
B: He turned his handsome face, crimsoned by his embarrassment and splashed by the water, towards her with an indignant air.
In the interest of force as well as of clearness, an expression, whether parenthetical in form or not, should be placed at the beginning of a sentence when its position there helps to impress on the reader the meaning of the sentence as a whole.
A: I listened readily to all unpleasant stories about him; and some of them, I am sorry to say, I repeated.
B: I listened readily to every unpleasant story about him, and, I am sorry to say, repeated some of them.
A: A man who expresses his opinion plainly when he is sure that his sincerity will hurt the feelings of someone, must be a brute.
B: A man must be a brute to speak his plain opinion, when he is sure that his sincerity will hurt the feelings of someone.
In the B sentences, the arrangement is such as to emphasize "some of them" and "someone," phrases not especially worthy of attention. In the A sentences, the most important words, "repeated" and "brute," are emphasized by being placed at the end.
A: To most of those who have never tried to write a book the amount of labor connected with the task is incomprehensible.
B: The amount of labor which anyone writing a book requires is incomprehensible to most people who have never tried to write one.
In Sentence B, "incomprehensible," the most important word, is in an obscure position; placed at the end of the amended sentence, it counts at its full value. The sentence is also improved by the omission of unnecessary words.
A: Until further notice, this shop will be closed at six p.m.
B: This shop will be closed at six p.m. until further notice.
A: So steep are the banks of this great river that along its whole length there is scarcely one site for a dwelling.
B: There is scarcely a site for a dwelling along the whole length of this great river since its abrupt banks render it impossible.
A: Under directions from a gentleman- who had kindly paid his fare in advance, — for he had no money, — he was waiting for the next inward-bound car.
B: He had no money and was waiting for the next inward-bound car, through the directions of a gentleman who had kindly paid his fare for him in advance.
A study of these examples will show that we gain force in each case by putting the most important clause at the end of the sentence.
A: When a writer, though well acquainted with his subject, does not pay sufficient attention to accuracy of grammar, it is easy for him, as you will see, to say the contrary of what he means.
B: You will see how easy it is, even for a writer who is well acquainted with his subject, to say the contrary of what he means when he does not pay sufficient attention to accuracy of grammar.
In Sentence B, the relation of the clause beginning with "when " to the preceding words is not altogether clear; but the serious offense is that against force. In the amended version, we emphasize the most important part of the sentence, "say the contrary of what he means," by putting it at the end.
A: With his broad sombrero, open shirt, fringed buckskin breeches, high-heeled boots, and heavy spurs, he was a picturesque young fellow.
B: He was a picturesque young fellow with his broad sombrero, open shirt, fringed buckskin breeches, high-heeled boots and heavy spurs.
A: With the men at quarters and the mouths of the guns showing ominously at the port-holes, the frigate now came tearing along as if she were alive herself and were feeling the fever of the chase.
B: The frigate now came tearing along as if she were alive herself and was feeling the fever of the chase, with the men at quarters, and the mouths of the guns showing ominously at the open portholes.
The A sentences are more forcible than the B sentences, because they describe the appearance of the young man and the vessel before bringing them before us. In the first Sentence A , the periodic is superior to the loose form in the corresponding Sentence B; in the second Sentence A, the form partly periodic and partly loose is superior to the form in the corresponding Sentence B that is wholly loose.
A: Accompanied by the best wishes of the family, Dr. Primrose now started with his coworkers for the hospital.
B: Dr. Primrose with his coworkers, now started for the hospital, accompanied by the best wishes of the family.
By placing the participial phrase at the beginning of the sentence, we enable the reader to understand at the outset the circumstances under which Dr. Primrose started for the hospital, and we bring the emphatic words to the end of the sentence.
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