 |
| Repetition adds to or detracts from a reader's experience. (Source: Bill Griffith, Zippy) |
From Beginnings of Rhetoric and Composition, by Adams Hill:
EASE AS AFFECTED BY WORD CHOICE
Repeated Words
The repetition of a word is useful when it makes a sentence either clearer or smoother.
A: What is true of New York is true of Boston.
B: What is true of New York is likewise to be found in Boston.
A: The modern rule of reason is replaced by the ancient rule of force.
B: The modern rule of reason is replaced by the ancient régime of force.
In each of these examples, the repetition of a word makes an even balance between the two clauses of the sentence—a great gain to ease as well as to force.
A: Before the mason had time to ask what was the pleasure of this strange visitor, the visitor asked if he would do a job for him.
B: Before the mason had time to ask what was the pleasure of this strange visitor, the man asked him if he would do a job for him.
The repetition of "visitor" and the omission of "him" makes Sentence A smoother as well as clearer than Sentence B.
A: It is an attempt to show, not that his virtues outweighed his faults, but that his faults were the consequences of education.
B: It is an attempt to show not that his virtues outweighed his faults but that the latter were the consequences of education.
A: I have spoken of the Blue Hills alone, not because they afford Boston the only opportunity for a park south of the city, but because they are, it seems to me, of supreme importance.
B: I have spoken of the Blue Hills alone, not that they afford Boston the only opportunity south of the city for a park, but because they are, it seems to me, of supreme importance.
In the first of these examples, ease as well as clearness is promoted by the repetition of "his faults," in the second by the repetition of "because."
The repetition of a word is useless, or worse than useless, when it makes a sentence offensive to the ear or the taste of the reader.
A: Darcy's love was rekindled by the sight of her again, and he decided to propose.
B: Darcy's love was again aroused by seeing her again and he decided to propose.
In Sentence B, the repetition of "again," far from being helpful to the reader, grates on his ear. By substituting "rekindled" for "again aroused," we remove the difficulty.
A: Though she loves the opera, she finds Wagner "rather stupid"; but if she sees that you enjoy him, she admires your taste.
B: She loves the opera but finds Wagner "rather stupid" but if she finds you enjoy his works she admires your taste.
In Sentence B, the repetition of "find" is inharmonious; that of "but" is also objectionable, not only because it is inharmonious but also because it obscures the meaning. Two "but's" should never be put close together unless the relation of each to the expressions that it connects is perfectly clear, and not even then if the repeated sound is disagreeable; the meaning can always be expressed in some other way.
A: I climbed up the rocky bank, and stretched myself on the ground, which was warm with the sun now shining brightly upon it.
B: I climbed up the rocky bank, stretched myself upon the ground which was warm with the sun which now shone bright.
Sentence B is clumsy, partly because of the absence of a connective between "climbed" and "stretched," but chiefly because of the repetition of "which." If the second "which" had the same antecedent as the first, the repetition would be unobjectionable.
A: There can be no objection to the process that raises the low and thus destroys the individuality of the baser man; for of such individuality we are well rid.
B: It is not that process that raises the low that can be objected to; for that but destroys the individuality of the baser man and we are well rid of such a characteristic.
Sentence B has more "that's" than are pleasing. By getting rid of three of them, and by repeating "individuality," we make the sentence more agreeable to the ear as well as clearer.
A: At first he was attracted to Miss Bennet by her marked aversion to him; then he became interested in her; and at last he fell in love.
B: Miss Bennet first attracted his attention first by her marked aversion for him and he was first interested then in love.
In Sentence B, the repetition of "first" is objectionable, not only because it is offensive to the ear, but also because both the first and the second "first" are in "squinting" positions.*
A: He challenges anyone to meet him, "man to man."
B: He challenges any man to meet him "man to man."
A: The fact impressed my childish fancy very much, — fascinated it, indeed.
B: The fact impressed my childish fancy very much; in fact fascinated it.
A: This help Mr. Kipling refuses; he tells us just enough to arouse our curiosity in his characters, but does not show them to us as living beings.
B: This help Kipling refuses to us, giving us only enough to arouse our curiosity in his characters, without showing them to us as living characters.
A: Everyone was drowned except Gulliver, who swam until his strength gave out and he was on the point of sinking.
B: Every one was drowned except Gulliver, who swam about until his strength gave out and he was about to drown.
In each Sentences B, a word is used in two senses, — a fault as objectionable from the point of view of ease as from that of clearness.*A reader of Sentence B might be uncertain whether "first" qualifies the expression before it or that after it. A word so placed is said to be in a "squinting" position: it looks two ways at once.
  |
